I happened upon a real freak show this morning.
With the table quiz taking place tonight and, not wanting to let the side down, knowing I would be expected to attend and put in a power performance I decided, in my wisdom to go for an early morning swim. Little did I know that it was going to give me a view of the worst of both worlds.
I did notice the childlike scrawl of the Ace on my way in…this did lead to some horripillation on my part.
All seemed quiet in the changing rooms, I didn't see the superman underpants (anally folded to show the man of steels fist and face) that one normally associates with the powerhouse of DI, so perhaps I would be OK, maybe he had already done his 3K and was back at work, it was after all 7:45 by now.
As I entered the pool though, I knew it was trouble…Ace was laughing it up, delighting at his opportunity to break someone new. "New Fish" they cried, rattling their metal mugs against the cell doors...
Thankfully they were on the way down from a 20 length pyramid at 16 (decreasing by 4). I was instructed to join in immediately.
On the upside I did get to break the pool rule (no diving in the shallow end) - on the downside there is no rule against petting*.
Lost count in the set of 16...drat…ended up doing 18, as if I didn’t need the rest enough
12, 8, 4 done…pasted.
Thinking that I'll be able to cooly do a 400m warm down now until…oh COME ON now there's a crazy bearded man coming over looking to do a 15 length pyramid (what can you say - they all know that you've only come in half way through their crazy ritual). BALLS…now there's another, the sprinter has arrived and we have 3 in the lane going for this crazy pyramid scheme. I bring up the rear because I know these guys are faster than me…I prove myself right. It’s a real nightmare. 5,10,15,10,5. made it and I havent drowned, I'd say this is a bonus. Definitely out of the pool now.
"who's up for a hypoxic set" ahh God…the crazy bearded man has clearly been infected by some virus carried by the ace. "So" he goes on, seemingly believing what he is saying is possible, "mostly, we do 2 lengths normal, 2 lengths breathing every 3 strokes, 2 lengths breathing every 5 strokes, 2 lengths breathing every 7, then 2 lengths breathing every 9" most surprisingly he didn't say "then you wake up in the E.R. and find out that I have performed mouth to mouth on you" (although US lifeguarding technique now teaches the heimlich maneuvre to clear the lungs http://www.austinchronicle.com/gyrobase/Issue/story?oid=oid%3A729455 somewhat controversially).
I fail at almost every pair of lengths…I do 3,3,4,3,3(with the odd 4 and one 5). Who can do 9? Raise your hands…now look at your hand…is it webbed?
All set to get out…Dr Jones pipes up…who's for a few sprints to finish…
When will it ever end…
*for more information on rules required attend the pool on Friday at 5-30 to observe the animals….but no petting!